Preface

  • Habits 1-3 are personal improvement. My wins
  • Habits 4-6 are teamwork improvement. Our wins
  • Habit 7 is continuous improvement

    Ch 1: be proactive

  • 3 paradigms for human conditioning:
    1. Nature- your grandparents genes determine your behavior
    2. Nurture - your upbringing by your parents determine your behavior
    3. Environment - the people arou[[]]nd you and they way they treat you determine your behavior
  • In reality, the gap between stimulus and response is where you excersize your free will and how things affect you.
    • Viktor frankel discusses the freedom he had in concentration camps by his imagination and internal dialogue. More free than the guards
  • be proactive because your responsible.
  • Ability to subordinate impulse to a value
  • reactive people driven by feelings, circumstances, conditions, environment.
  • Proactive driven by values selected and internalized
  • “have vs be”. If only I had ___ is victim language. I can be __ has agency and respnsibility
  • circle of influence = things you can affect
  • Circle of concern = things you worry about but can’t affect.
  • Effective people focus on circle of influence and by doing this it grows and so does their circle of concern.

  • Ch 2: begin with the end in mind

  • Everything is made twice. Once in planning and another in doing
  • Leadership is having vision and moving there. Pointing the ladder to the right wall. Management is building the ladder. Pointless if not building towards the right wall.
  • Personal mission statements help define your values and your rudder that keeps you centered.
  • Security guidance, wisdom, and power are the 4 axes for having values drive your life
  • There is something that is the primary author, if not you it is someone else or some other feeling you’re searching for.
  • Common non-internal value drivers
    • Children
    • Spouse
    • Money
    • Possessions (&status)
    • Work
    • Hate
  • Many of these are good aims, but alone they force you to be unstable and dependent on others for you fulfillment instead of it coming from inside.

Ch 3: Put First Things First

  • Operationalizing ch 2. Managing your day to day tasks in alignment to your mission statement
  • need to delegate effectively to build relationships stronger.
    • “Gofer” delegation is very micromanage-y and people don’t have ownership.
    • Stewardship delegation gives people ownership and they feel responsible for outcomes.
  • 4th generation of time management?
  • Schedule your weeks out. Not days/hours. Need to write out roles and your goals in those roles for the week

  • Ch 4: Think Win-win

  • Emotional bank account builds up over time dealing with individuals. Need to make deposits so one day we can ask for favors and make withdrawals.
  • Abundance mindset required to think that both parties can win.
  • Better to have no deal than not win-win. Later can come up with better win-win
  • Win-loose is a non-collaborative mindset. Win at all costs. Zero sum.
  • Loose-win is being compliant and letting the other person win because you respect them or feel bad or don’t communicate your winning criteria
  • Many people oscillate between win-loose and loose-win in their relationships.
  • To operationalize win-win need to have systems and reward it. Can’t only look at hard metrics and expect interpersonal communication to improve.

Ch 5: Seek first to understand, then to be Understood

  • empathic listening is a big deposit into emotional bank account
  • Understanding first makes you vulnerable since you’re able to be influenced by it. But it’s the only way to gain any influence over the other who is communicating
  • first, mirror what the other is saying. Then mirror their feelings about what they say. Don’t interject unless they ask for advice
  • Most common way we communicate is through our autobiography. We judge, advise, etc before really listening to the underlying problem and cause the other person to completely close off
  • understanding / listening and showing it is big emotional deposit
  • Probing, evaluating, advising, interpreting are autobiographical responses that don’t help
  • if you’re trying to use empathic listening, be honest and tell the other person. But only if genuine. This goes a long way to signal the intentions are pure since people can feel like you’re trying to manipulate

Ch 6: Synergerize

  • synergy is possible within circle of influence. Within yourself between your analytical and emotional side
  • Look for the good in others to improve your point of view
  • Use courage to be open and share to encourage others to do the same
  • Does someone disagree with you? Good, help me understand.
  • look for the 3rd alternative instead of yours and the other.

Ch 7: Sharpen the Saw

  • Self renewal is what allows us to keep motivated.
  • 4 dimensions
    1. Physical - workout
    2. Spiritual - pray and determine your mission statement
    3. Mental - read books and educate yourself
    4. Social, emotional - talk to others like they are capable and you believe in them to bring it about.
  • The person who doesn’t read is no different than the one who can’t.
  • must renew all 4 together in equal proportion. Neglecting one will bring down the rest
  • This renewal enables the other habits and the other habits reinforce each other. Upward spiral.
  • Every cycle through the habits brings greater depth of understanding

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